I just broke up with my first ex boyfriend just this January 7th.
I had another one on the 11th of the same month.
Then we broke up on the 8th of February.
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As the days go by, I'm broken more so. I'm out of my natural state of mind. I'm deteriorating. I'm dying slowly inside. I'm not only broken. I'm empty.
Nothing's left.
Yay!
After a long -hiatus-, I'm back with nothing much really. 
How lovely.
By the time I'm writing this, I'm sitting (yeah, um, okay), really excited on getting back to school (yay!) and simply finishing this course (nursing)... If I could only fast-forward things... Hm...
Anyhoo, anyhow, simple update:
* I'm already 20 years old (believe it or not)
*I passed my GNQE exams, which is like the 'mini board exams' for nurses
*I'm on my third year in Nursing! (I did survive that long, see)
*I'll be having my Capping ceremony by the end of June (and yes, that IS a great achievement)
*I'll be having my hospital duty by July (where? still don't know either)
And this goes out to the lovely, lovely people in my life right now:
*to my mum : me loves you loves you loves you loads! thank you thank you and i know these words would never be enough for the many, many things you've done for me and my 'barako' siblings
*to my dad (may his soul rest in peace) : missing you so badly but i'm really thankful you've taught me enough to be going on with my life. i'm much, much responsible now. thank you for always being there. love you.
*to my older brother : um yes. me loves you too but you should think about loving us more than other people, you see. can't help but see no improvement in your job hunting and if i could do it for you, i would have, but you've been spoonfed long enough. get a move on or all will have gone right before your very eyes.
*to my lovely little brother : yes, ate is strict but me loves you very much. just want what's best for you and i'm raising you the best way i know how and how our dad has instilled values in us. don't want you to be influenced by the -others-. always be a good boy and do well in school, ayt?
*to my dee, gerald : me loves you so much. despite and inspite of the things that happened. m-hmm. i was so touched by the things you've done for me especially for my schooling. i will never ever forget the kindness you've showed me. makes me love you more and more each day. we may not understand each other at some point but i'm still grateful that we're able to pull through each obstacle that we encounter. you simply are a gift sent from above. i love you!
*to my lovely, lovely friends ches, kris, ains, and minimi : you've always been there for me. through all the good and bad. you guys make me feel loved everyday. love you!
*to all of my friends in college : you are a joy to my heart. my life was more colorful with every little and big thing you've done for me. i love you guys so much and i want to thank you for always being there and giving me reasons to smile and laugh. life is still good and you make it better. thank you.
*to my highschool friends and lovely barx : i'm missing you guys so much and always bear in mind that i'm always here for you. just give me a ring, ayt? though we might have not seen each other as often as we wished we could have, how i very much value our friendship has not changed and it is a bliss to have little precious gems like you in my life. love you!
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cut short first. my mind suddenly went blank. :D
....too serious a title. Not.
I feel so constricted and devoid of life. I see no light. I deny fading away but in truth, I am...
I savor the smarting... every throbbing pain in the constraints of my chest and I tremble inside. I slowly die.
Tears welling at the corner of each eye, seeking refuge in a cascade of emotions flowing freely over my heated cheeks...
...I slowly die.
In the contained emotions, I slowly die.
In pain, I die.
Fighting the feelings off, willing them to be buried in the pit of a fathomless depth...
I savor the smarting. In pain, I slowly die.
Hold me ever so tightly in the neck, choke me and deny me of my breath, my life...
I savor the smarting. In pain, I die.
..actually hurts.
I'm in another serious depressed state.
Help.
Sometimes you just can't help it that you stare at the mirror, seeing some faults and ugly contours and marks, but you'll find yourself realizing after all --- maganda parin ako! Wala pang nambabato ng kamatis eh!
ahehehehe.
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I now belong to a new block and at first, I didn't know how exactly should I feel. I mean, I love my former bunch so much. They are just wonderful, but when you come to think of it, perhaps, this really happened for a reason.
To extend my circle of friends? Perhaps.
But that's easy. Just put on your social charm, be true to those people, and VOILA!
But knowing them for more than two or three weeks, they aren't that bad. There just comes some times that first impressions actually do hinder us from making connections with other people. And for some days, or nights, I ger to learn more about these people who are actually -people-, just as I am. They have their own stories to tell, their own faces to show, and us strangers always think they are merely images. But no. They are simply humans as well, equal to how we are created.
And how did I come to think of these things when all I should be doing is my schoolwork? Well, having extended and reached out to some of them, I realize how wonderful each and every person could be--- that a mask you see could conceal a thousand and more things, not merely one's ideas, but one's heart.
I couldn't be more thankful enough having gained new friends at the short time I've been with them. It's not exactly a loss not being included in my former block, despite the fact I love that bunch, but these are other people, humans, such as I and such as the other people that I call 'friends'.
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I think I'm becoming a mush. A cheese. Dang.
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Anyhoo, anyhow, much has happened since my last update and now I'm taking a bit more time to put on a longer entry than my former. It seems this isn't working for me, seeing such old entries. I mean, i can't be tied down to being -old- and -extinct-. I'm the type of person who's up for something new, so here I am, taking the liberty to bore the readers with some senseless hodge-podge.
Don't love my humor. It stinks.
I don't have it even. Must have dropped it somewhere...
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I'm actually tired as hell today, coming from last night's MTV Summit with my friends and Bhie. Don't even know whether I'm going to RA's birthday today or not. I'm definitely running late.
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It's funny how sometimes you learn when the lesson is hard. In life.
And with the simple things, you just let it pass. Without learning...
...when most valuable lessons are learned in the simplest things...
...often neglected.
Apparently unwanted and taken for granted.
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Things to do :
*report in hc lec for tomorrow
*read STS book (so long)
*save-up for xmas
*sleep more
*make posters for 'literas'
*make more friends (how ------)
*take a bath, go to school, go to RA's bday party
*stop typing and getting my arse out of here
*really stop typing or else I'll miss the booze! LOL
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I think that's enough for today. My mind is apparently blank right now. Need to energize.
Better update next time.
